Oniero

oniero @ 2007-08-07T20:14:00

2007-08-07T20:39:15Z

Back from my enforced holiday in Greece at last, where I picked up a surprising tendency to be nearly torn apart by wild dogs, especially any time I went drinking with Kat.

The first night I was joking as I walked her back that I wouldn't let her walk home alone in case a panther attacker her or something and everyone would be all like "and where were YOU when your little cousin was savaged by a panther?" so I'd at least better be there to get savaged too. On my way back I passed underneath someone's balcony (hanging over the path) which had a HUGE black dog on it. It started barking at me and I could feel it's breath on my shoulder as it tried to get a mouthful of through the gaps. But I'd only been joking about the bloody panther!!! Another dog came running at me, attracted by the barking perhaps, and looked for all the world like it was going to finish what the other dog had started. Those aren't at all soundproof and running would only have made it worse so I had to face the dog down and asked it it wanted a piece of me as well, fortunately the dog thought better of this and ran away instead.

The second time we were walking home I was telling Kat about my near miss and she noticed a dog was staring at us from the other side of a fence. We tried our best not to make eye contact with it and hoped it would go away but it came running at us and leaped through a hole in the fence. Kat ran away but the dog threw itself at my feet, which was quite endearing and I made the mistake of rubbing it's tummy which seemed to make it think it was ok to start leaping at me. It started nipping at my heels when I refused to start wrestling with it, not in a vicious way or anything, she was just a bit frisky but her paws were wet and made my T-shirt filthy and I had to get up early. I had to trick it to get through my front door but it was clearly quite upset at being abandoned cos it ate my mum's lilo.
The next morning my dad discovered that it had been dragged a fair way and ended up torn. He was blaming one of the local dogs but I know it was that mad little dog that followed me home.

The third night we went drinking I was half expecting a new canine companion to appear on the way home but it was merely the little mad dog again. This time she showed up at the pub and got shooed away a few times by someone working there. She stood right by us for a while and I wanted Kat to take a photo of her on her mobile to show my mother, who'd declared I was imagining the entire thing but buy the time she'd cleared some space on her phone the dog had been shooed away for good.

Had some suitably apt dreams:

A witch turned a group of us into pigs, strawberries reversed the spell.

Last night I dreamed I followed someone into the underworld. I think he was supposed to be my father (in the dream at any rate) and the entrance to the underworld was a tube entrance. I ran down the stairs and into the underworld, which looked a lot like a train platform but couldn't catch up. It was difficult to recognise him anyway since people's faces were either bare skulls or were full of dark shadows and they looked terribly miserable. I turned a corner and things were very different there, more like a locker room. I passed a ridiculously tall young man, who looked only recently dead, and we struck up conversation but then I apologised and said I had to go as I wasn't dead yet but I didn't expect it would be much longer and he told me there was no need to hurry. I asked how he'd died but his answer didn't fit - he said he'd been banned from (the lyceum) and when I asked him to elaborate his head span round and he bit my hand.
There was a loud noise and the sky turned a very sick shade of green, as though it was a cloud of poison gas. Next time I looked at the sky it was a worrying shade of red instead and a cyclone had formed. I ran for the exit and made it just in time as they were closing them. There was another girl who made it just in time too, another visitor, but I think that the dead could have passed through the doors if they had wanted to whilst they had been open.

Also my all singing all dancing gadget was destroyed by my aunt who put a bag with all our things in it in a boat, dragged it in the sea and got everything soaked. All our telephones (as in my parents', not her familys' stuff) and a book about aliens that I've already had to replace and have to buy online so THEY know what I'm reading. All the photo's that I'd taken, and I had a couple I was quite chuffed with, gone. I tried to replace them on another camera but the conditions I took them under didn't occur again and they are just not as good.

Cousins were alright, think I prefer them now they are older.

Parents caused a complete scene in the airport (mum bawling, losing the passports every 5 minutes and freaking out about it, calling him a drunk and my dad snorting and being mouthy and making us carry 12 bags of duty free - ALL his fags and booze) and then dad had security locked the front door and lost the key so was shouting at us all at 1am because clearly it was everyone's fault but his - so everything is back to normal.
Also our neighbours have disappeared and the place is being gutted. Whoever moves in next had better not have a thousand screaming children...grrr. So much for gaining a new Avon rep! I still reckon there'll be bodies dug up what with all those weird flies that plagued us a couple of times....

scarred for life

2007-05-28T23:17:24Z

Great, another scar to add to my collectoin. A very ridiculous story which. as can be expected starts with - I was in the pub.....

It was pissing it down so I'd taken an umbrella and as I was out in the pub and liable to forget and leave my brolly I took a rather shoddy one, with a tendency to explode.

Sam offered to put it in her bag, where it was safe and all was good. A few hours later I was at the bar getting a round, was there so long I got chatting to another girl at the bar and then she started molesting me, and there I was thinking she just wanted to make friends till she tried to kiss me....ho hum, made my excuses and legged it...for some reason Sam was now waving my brolly about and it exploded and the handle clocked me in the face.

I was safer with the lesbian! Anyway, I didn't really pay much attention to being clocked in the face with my own damned umbrella (why couldn't she have just left it where it was???) till I noticed the blood..... went to have a look in the mirror and a great chunk was taken out of me. It's going to leave a scar I think - another one to add to my collection, great.

I lost my "friends" somewhere en route to the bus stop but didn't really care as I wanted to go home and nurse my wounds. Took ages for the bus to come and the stops were packed so I walked up a few stops but it made no difference, the nightbus was packed and I had to sit next to some weirdo - who was already laughing at the forlorn figure I must have cut - facial wounds, hair a metre wide, glasses all misted up and miserable as hell. He said the cut wasn't too bad (no doubt because it hadn't happened to him) and then told me that having a good wank would probably cheer me up, cos that's what he liked to do to cheer himself up.

Why do I ever leave the house??? I didn't really want to, why do I never listen to my own better judgement? Well I shan't be leaving the house for the rest of this week till my wound heals over - with the scab where it is it looks like I'm growing a goatee. Can't even hurt myself somewhere inconspicuous...

And today some French woman has rung my mobile 4 times insisting that I am running some sort of child care even though I told her the 1st time she had the wrong number. And she's ringing me from a mobile phone so surely she realises that she's just calling the same damned number? The 2nd and 3rd time she rang I hung up but she obviously didn't get the hint and the 4th time I had to tell her it was STILL the wrong number.
Tcha! Must be something weird going on.....

Dream - "my wife now..."

2006-11-14T16:28:20Z

I had gotten married to some woman. Apparently from my genetic structure I could actually be classed as a man so it wasn't actually a lesbian thing though it did occur to me, and we even talked about it that people would assume that we were lesbians. I also didn't really want to be married, especially not to a woman (again)!

I was trying to think of a good reason or way to engineer an arguement so that we could get a divorce. I didn't really want to do anything sneaky because I figured that there must have been some reason that I'd agreed to it in the first place. This woman was really really happy about it and I was just screaming on the inside.

At one point I accidentally called her Lee and she had a complete strop because I'd not only called her by someone else's name but by a man's name and she locked herself into a bathroom and I had to talk her out, though why I was trying to placate her when I didn't really want the relationship in the first place is a mystery. I didn't even know her name but was awiting for someone to say it because I knew I couldn't ask without causing more offence. She loooked a bit like Terri, perhaps she will get married (but not to me)!

I think in the end I must have just decided to make do with the situation and give up on being with someone that I wanted to be with.

Silly Dreams

2006-08-30T22:53:01Z

28/08/06
I was a vampire but I had a nosebleed. I remember thinking, "aren't I supposed to be draining other people's blood rather than spilling my own?".

29/08/06
Was at a festival right by the stage and not too much crowding. Someone from one of the bands asked me to look after their jacket and I was trying to text Kirsty from Lampeter because I knew she'd be dead jealous.

Bit rubbish really.

Slept loads today cos I skived off work. Hurt myself a bit yesterday so I didn't relish driving or sitting. My bruises from slipping in the shower are still livid purple and it's been a week now. Added a few extras by missing the stool last night and falling over the back of it to wedge myself between the stool and the wall with the radiator in my back, though it only served to hurt my bad leg again. Ho hum. At least my mum came out to see if I was alright, not like my dad last week, humph. As much as I didn't relish the idea of him breaking into the bathroom to find me naked (possibly dead) in the bathtub he could have called out to ask if I were alright before he heard me shuffling about to know I was alive. There could have been blood. There could have been lots of blood.
My mum thinks I am just topping up my bruises...yeah, I'm sick of my healthy pallor, I want some purple to liven me up! Bah.

Newcastle

2006-08-08T11:15:42Z

Well the olds are back, which means I'll be lucky to get on the computer at home any time soon. My nan told them I wasn't well while they were away and now they are acting like I'm dying again, tch.

I went to see Jo this weekend in Newcastle. Was lucky to make it in the end. My car accidentally got stuck in the car park at work because the stupid barrier went down before 5pm and we couldn't find the laser fob thing to get it to open up. Margaret Mary and I both had to leave our cars here for the weekend in the end, and she was supposed to be driving to Scotland. I also realised after we'd locked up and left that I'd left my bank cards in my desk drawer and I don't have keys to get in. Ach anyway, in the end I did get my cards back though it took a lot of running about. Also meant I made it to the pub early since I didn't have to go home first to ditch the car, though it also meant to meds but ho hum.

I was standing at a bus stop on my way home and some woman walked to the stop too, stared at me for a few seconds then poked her tongue out at me. Naturally I giggled and looked away. So she walked up to a guy in a business suit (at midnight in Ponders End, that can't be right) and poked her tongue out at him. Then they both walked off together - he didn't laugh, they didn't say anything it just seemed to be understood. Is this how prostitutes drum up business these days?? In which case why did she start with me?? All very peculiar.

Newcastle is an odd city. We did a little pub-crawl (which I forced to an end by refusing to go into any other weird pubs and insisted we just go to the good rock pub which is where we should just have gone from the very beginning!). The first pub was a stop gap after food just to kill time and let the football crowds empty out. Needless to say it wasn't a "good" pub. They played Brittney Spears and then some sort of rave that went on for ages. Looking around it didn't seem suited to the pub or the clientel - all of whom were over 50 yet dressed as teenagers on the pull. Acting like it too.... I couldn't help but wonder if it were some sort of swingers pub or if we picked the night that it was understood divorcees got together.

And not one looker in the whole city!! Jo took me to the meat-market part of town to get some food at the end of the night and we immediately got mounted in the chip-shop. Lucky I was too drunk to be shocked, was a cheap thrill, didn't really catch a look at his face, probably for the best.

I think Newcastle is where the middle-aged go to die. And dress badly. Not that the genuinely young were dressed any better.
There was a guy we walked past in the street who was wearing a baseball cap, baggy jeans etc who turned to talk to us as we passed and was 80 years old if he was a day. Of course I couldn't understand half of what was said there anyway...language barrier or something...

No-one can ever out-last me on a drink-up so we weren't even out till the end of the night but oh well. At least I didn't have to watch Jo throwing up in bins or alleyways this time. On the plus side at least there's no danger of me running off to Newcastle in the near future.

Had a couple of care in the community types kicking off on the bus home - one of them was using such colourful patois as Jo once demonstrated having picked up in the US (that I secretly found rather distasteful of her but would never have tried to stop her!) so I doubt the rest of the bus understood. Actually that guy's voice sounded familiar....anyway eventually it spilled over when the couple that were clearly not quite....right.....got off the bus and were argueing through the doors. The woman didn't speak a word, just stood there with her shopping bags staring at the floor looking very depressed, must have been all too familiar to her, actually she looked a bit familiar to me, think I've seen her on the streets - literally - in Tottenham) but her (I can only assume) boyfriend was challenging his loud sweary opponent (I only had heard that one till then) to get off the bus and have at it. There was lots of swearing, (especially the C-word), challenging and then the one on the street took a whack at the bus with his crutches and there was much laughter from downstairs so I can only presume that the other guy must have made some sort of rude gesticulation.

Ah yes, good to be back home where the weirdness is understood!

oniero @ 2006-07-29T18:59:00

2006-07-29T18:00:43Z

So much to write - for some reason yesterday I was thinking of how I used to love writing stories and even started writing a few things way back when but nowadays I've barely got 2 ideas to rub together. In the pub Rob surprised me by saying I should write. Perhaps it's all a sign. Anyway, how am I likely to motivate myself to writing anything of actual value when I can't even be bothered to write my journal?

Dreams -
Meeting up with Bonnie with grandad, who'd been having her trained.
Running up a mountain behind Lee (though it was a bit like Beowulf and Grendel which I watched the next day).
Brawling in the streets with mum (and losing!!)
Being in an airport with dad having to sort out his travel tax.
Finding Lee in a council flat.
Looking for a restaurant to go to with mum and nan the night after the brawling one (ahh, all made up then!)

My sciatic nerve has been giving me untold grief and since I got a new batch of pills for that it's actually deteriorated. Even felt like I'd been bitten by a shark in the last few days.

Wasn't sure if the knots in the pit of my stomach were due to my tortured emotional state or the pills. Have stopped taking them (ran out anyway) and the nausea and the stabbing headaches have stopped. Perhaps I shall try starting them again later and see if it happens again. It did say these were side effects. Obviously I am not feeling 100% today after my night out with Jack Daniels and EAC workmates so it's hard to judge. I really needed that drink though.

Had terrible trouble with the buses getting there and then coming back I'd given up waiting and was already at the border of Edmonton before a bus finally came - must have been walking for about an hour. I actually seriously contemplated doing an Ash.

When I finally got home about 4am my boiler was on again (no matter what I do it just keeps coming on) and the override button wouldn't work so I ranted and railed at that for a while before it eventually obeyed me and switched off. Today it's the TV that's acting up - the remote seems to have broken itself (new batteries did not help) and pushing the volume or channel button only seems to anger it. Pff. So much for watching a DVD while I have peace and quiet. Had the mother of all hangovers this morning anyway so didn't really want to watch anything. Still at least I didn't actually end up sleeping rough and crawling home looking like a hobo in front of all my neighbours.

Like a stone

2006-07-17T13:14:27Z

Was having a really nice dream this morning, then I had to get up and come to work, pff. Was dreaming that I was Buffy the Vampire Slayer and some enemy had just come to find me and the showdown was due to take place in an old abandoned wooden house.

For some reason Scumbags and her brother had shown up to "help" but there was no-where to hide them except for an old toilet cubicle so I stuffed them in there (where they belong ho ho). Anyway, when this "enemy" came I considered hiding but decided it would be best to get it over with so I burst through the door instead of the army I'd been expecting it was just one guy (well, some sort of stone demon) he was actually quite good nice so I decided not to kill him and we had a nice chat instead, hur hur. Mind you he said we'd been a bit of an item and I just couldn't remember any of it. Wonder what my psyche is on about there eh?

Anyway, couldn't face making and eating breakfast today so I thought I'd best have some decent lunch and I had a baked potato....despite knowing better....now all I can feel is the potato sitting in my stomach like a rock......uuuuuunh. I wonder if I could undo my jeans without anyone walking into my office and noticing....

Leatherface

2006-07-12T19:47:02Z

There was a man at our door today with a chainsaw asking for my dad.

Couldn't really understand much of what he said as his English was minimal but he pointed at a part of the wire that was covered in duct tape and muttered something about having accidentally cut through the wire with the chainsaw but that it worked.

Surely there's a risk of electrocution isn't there? Why would this man want to electrocute my dad? (Apart from the obvious reason that he's met him).

This is supposed to be the man my dad is having a feud with (it's how he likes to welcome people to the neighbourhood) and now they're playing all nicey nicey. People are so fickle.

A case of the Mondays

2006-06-26T20:40:54Z

Margaret-Mary sent me trotting off to our new office site this afternoon under the impression that it would be a sort of gold-rush situation to grab some desks. I arrived ready to fight to the death only to find just 2 desks in their shared office have actually been put together. I couldn't even get into my part because it was locked and no-one had a key. Ah well. Didn't want to do any actual work anyway.

Wandered round town for a bit then came home. It was lucky that I came home early because my dad had locked himself out and was about to call me. Also two of the windows in his car had been smashed (seemingly on purpose) one of those being the drivers window leaving the seat covered in glass. Cleverly managed to get glass in my thumb. It was on a tiny shard, how rubbish that it still hurts.
Puts a new angle on my flat tyre last week...thought it was a bit sus at the time.

keeping things in proportion, Julie fell under a bus this morning on her way to work. She was lying face down in the road and no-one came to help her, aw bless. I would have thought someone would have come to the aid of a dinky blonde in peril, it usually pays to be beautiful - if it were me I'd probably STILL be lying there without so much as a by-your-leave. Perhaps if it were another day of the week and not a Monday people would have been more human. But then I read once that people are more likely to kill themselves on a Monday too.

Ditched

2006-06-11T21:20:06Z

in favour of football

twice

shocking

better now

2006-05-20T19:57:52Z

Am feeling much more cheerful now, knew it would all blow over.

As for my fainting fits, they seem to have passed, I mentioned it to my mum and she said she'd been feeling the same (obviously I was in bed most of the time and I don't really speak to my parents much anyway) so perhaps it was some sort of bug. Blood sugar was good when I tested it so it wasn't anything to do with that.

As soon as the aches and pains from Quasar had almost passed completely it was time to go and excercise again (and hurt myself again!). A work colleague wants to get more exercise too so we'd planned to go and play Badminton last night as we thought it would be gentle, hah!! It was good fun and all but I'd forgotten the worst part is bending over all the time to pick up the shuttlecocks, my arse aches!!! Never thought I'd find a muscle there to hurt...

Ahh, a cute little bird landed on a windowledge opposite my window and started waddling towards me. Sadly someone walked down the corridor next to that window and scared it off. Starting to feel like Spring now..

Elephants on Tottenham High Road

2006-05-20T19:00:30Z

Had a dream last night that I was with Jellyfish Jo in White Hart Lane in all the football crowds, for some reason I was riding an Elephant. Somehow it was all Jo's fault, obviously.

Dream - War and Lions

2006-05-01T20:44:24Z

Was on holiday I think. I wanted to wash my hands and was looking for a pump/tap (it was as though it was a campsite) but there was a Lion sleeping underneath the first pump so I carried on walking. I found another pump and rinsed my hands before I noticed there was a Lion underneath that one too, but just out of reach of getting wet.

As I walked back a Giraffe was coming the other way and it was a bit wobbly so it accidentally trod on the first sleeping Lion, which got up and limped away, onto a truck where it lay back down again.

I got back to the house I was staying in only to find the corridor by the door was a bit changed - there had been bombing/a storm which had created some damage and I was surprised the house had withstood it. I noticed another door had fallen open on the side of the wall, through which I could see fighting. Obviously it wasn't wise to stand there and gawp so I ran into the next room with some others (I am not sure who - I think they were supposed to be family members but they weren't my real-life family). We'd locked ourselves into that room and the others were barricading themselves into a wardrobe (with a sliding door). As the others ran in I was trying to find a weapon in case we had to defend ourselves - the others didn't seem to consider this possibility. All I could find was some sort of cooking spears - like a big meat fork with 3 prongs.

Shortly after I had tried passing these around for defending ourselves there was a woman in the room, supposed to be some sort of pirate I believe, she was on the other side anyway. We had to kill the other woman so that she would not betray us to the army outside. Everybody else was panicing so it seemed to fall to me to carry out the grisly deed. We could hear the fighting now right outside the door so we had to act quickly.

The fork wasn't really deep enough to stab her with so I wasn't sure what to do and decided I'd have to slit her throat with the barb on the end of a prong. I didn't really know how to do it and I was hesitating, but she was very compliant, kneeling down and bending her head down when I asked her to. I even asked her if she had a knife I could use and she was unarmed. It was a bit silly really because we were killing her to prevent her giving us away but she could have yelled for help at any time and didn't. Luckily as I was about to deliver the blow the door of the room was burst open from without, a soldier came in and our side had won so I didn't have to kill anyone.

Woodstock Dream

2006-05-01T16:41:35Z

Remembered a dream recently that I had a while ago but don't think I worte here. Perhaps I did, but I can't be bothered to look through all my entries.

I had a time machine and used it to go to Woodstock. However I was queueing for the portaloos for AGES and missed Jimi Hendrix's entire set. Also it was raining.

Recent Dreams:

2006-04-26T23:18:44Z

Recent Dreams:
1. Had a dream Chris and Ligi were in the park with me on the swings. There were loads of cows in the park too and they were screaming. I could talk to them (how very Dr Doolittle) and I wanted to reassure them but they were looking for their children and all I could tell them was that they had been taken to an abbattoir and their deaths would be quick, I didn't have the heart to do it and I was begging Chris to talk to them instead.

2. Another dream I opened the curtains to see a load of huge sheep and cows in the park all staring at me accusingly.

3. It was a match day and I was walking down Seven Sisters road during the aftermath of the football. There were severed horse parts all over the road. No blood, no heads either, but many of the corpses were just legs and torso and were still standing as though they'd been sliced by a samurai sword. I figured no wonder the buses had to go on diversion to give them time to clear up the mess but wondered why they continued to send mounted police in when they were so sure to get killed.

4. I was back at university and went to see my new halls of residence. Abigails hall was near mine so I went to visit and she'd been placed in Goth halls. She had a corridor/house mate that we met, who for some reason had an unconscious (dead?) stripper/prostitute in a wheelbarrow and we were trying to get her body out of the flat without anyone seeing Weekend at Bernie's style.
Then there was something to do with the underground system being flooded, but I think it was America, not Britain

All I know is that I must not tell any of this to a psychologist!

Celtic astrology etc

2006-04-10T21:51:22Z

It's just that I'm bored..

You Are A Pine Tree

You love agreeable company, peace, and harmony.

Compassionate and friendly, you love to help others.

A natural poet, you have a very active imagination.

You are very soft on the inside - needing affection and reassurance.

You can fall in love deeply, but you will leave if you feel betrayed.

What is Your Celtic Horoscope?

Your Birthdate: February 25

You excel at anything difficult or high tech.

In other words, you're a total (brilliant) geek.

It's difficult for you to find people worth spending time with.

Which is probably why you'll take over the world with your evil robots!

Your strength: Your unfailing logic

Your weakness: Loving machines more than people

Your power color: Tan

Your power symbol: Pi

Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Famous Last Words

2006-04-10T21:23:09Z

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"So, you're a cannibal."

What Will Your Famous Last Words Be?

Monkey mates

2006-04-05T17:48:38Z

One of the builders outside was actually ok today. They were working on something that brought them pretty much parallel to my window so I got a bit of an eyeful, but accidentally got caught staring a couple of times. Also I didn't realise they were out there until I thought I'd found a gray hair (it was only blonde though) and showed Margaret-Mary and then pulled it out. THAT was when our eyes first locked...after he'd seen me grooming like a monkey *sigh* oh well.

oniero @ 2006-04-05T18:36:00

2006-04-05T17:45:48Z

Got an e-mail from Sam today saying I was right about Juliette. Seems she's finally worn even Sam's patience thin. There is surely much gossip to glean here! No wonder I got another begging e-mail last week (which means the next abusive one is sure to follow) Juliette must be out of friends by now - except my (ex)friends of course. She's only got Ant on strings cos he thinks she's going to sleep with him, the fool.

I got my new mobile handset yesterday (well new to me anyway) and swapped over the bit that was broken. Now I can dial 0s and everything! On the downside it meant that I had to reprogramme a lot of my numbers as they were saved on to the phone not the SIM card and none of my photo's or sounds got transferred either. I spent hours wrangling with my mum's laptop and all to no avail. However since my dad got this router thing for my mum's laptop to go mobile the broadband cable has been shifted from the USB port it was in to somewhere else - which meant I could fit the wire from my mobile phone to the main PC and have managed (finally!) to get pictures off it again.

Sadly this does mean that I no longer have any pics on my phone as it wouldn't let me transfer any pictures back onto the fixed version of my phone (grr. It is ok to take pictures that size and hold onto them but then NOT ok to move anything that size on...how vexing). Shall just have to take lots more hah, any excuse!

I might give Sam a ring tonight and bitch with her about Juliette!! Ahh, I am soooo happy.

Ends and beginnings

2006-03-17T22:59:07Z

Had a dream recently that I was sacked. So I was a little surprised to have been offered my post permanently the other day. Well, the Consultant Psychiatrist I was doing the clinic for asked me yet again when I was going to settle down and get a "proper" job and asked if I'd apply for the one I was in. She said the only reason they hadn't advertised it was because I was in it (makes no sense to me).

Turns out all this time she was "nagging" me she was offering me the job. Oops. Talk about dense.

Of course I'll still have to go through an interview, which is the part that I am dreading because I'm not sure I'm up to trying to impress anyone right now. Especially as most times I open my mouth and forget the words I am trying to say and end up looking retarded. Guess I'll just have to OD on sugar and hope it hits my brain. Of course there is always the chance that someone else might apply for the job from nowhere and be more impressive than me and then I'll end up without a job or self-esteem.

Also had a dream last week that me and my nan were invited to talk with the pope but we were like, nah. We were right there in a room with him - my nan was tempted for a second but we ended up just sauntering away.

Hobo dream

2006-03-09T20:07:13Z

I had a dream this morning that I was homeless and sleeping in the streets outside Julie's house (as in she had one all to herself and wasn't living with her parents) and she'd let me use her bathroom but it turned out I'd been homeless for AGES. Anyway I was sleeping in the road and a car ran over my pillow while I was standing out of the way and I was all like "Grr!! They can SEE there's stuff there" but I was actually sleeping in the middle of a narrow road and wondered how I'd not been run over. It was really cold and I had a key to Julie's house but she had an alarm and it was set so I didn't want to set it off. Eventually I thought perhaps I'd go to my parents and stay there (don't know why I hadn't in the first place) and then I decided to drive because my car was parked across the road and then all I could think was "why aren't I sleeping in my car???". It just got weirder after that....

There was something to do with my being in the cast of Angel and having a cast get-together for a comeback show (because I needed the money) and being in someone's house that was full of ceramic hedgehogs and fridgefuls of meat.

The "early" night I treated myself to obviously did me no favours at all. I am completely knackered today and my hair has exploded; I may as well have been sleeping in the middle of the road by the looks of me.

Astrology brush up

2006-03-04T16:18:25Z

Pluto opposite Luminaries

Since Pluto is in Sagittarius I have been thinking lately about the oppositions it is making to all the Geminis I know. This year it has been exactly opposite 2 friends' natal suns and Julie's natal moon. One persons dad died during that time and the other's dad will be moving away so I guess in a way they are both losing their fathers (sun = father, Pluto = death/loss). Julie's mum seems to be doing alright (moon = mother) though Julie has had a lot of ill health, especially tonsilitis and bronchitis (Gemini = lungs) and has changed jobs several times (Moon is in her 6th house = work). They do all seem to be affected psychologically.

Also - this makes me realise that my moon has now progressed into my 5th house - hopefully that will be a very pleasant year despite Saturn returning in my 7th and Pluto in my 11th (small wonder I hate my friends). At some point my progressed moon must have been opposite Pluto...will have to find where they co-incided.

So today it occurred to me that Pluto was hovering on my MC and therefore was opposing my natal moon/Jupiter conjunction when my grandfather was ill during my GCSEs, dying just before my A'levels, when I was depressed and everything went wrong. I've often thought that my entire life changed forcibly then.

1993

Pluto messing about on my Midheaven must have had some bearing on all the chops and changes made regarding my courses and career ideas. Especially as it opposed my Moon/Jupiter conjunction in the 3rd House (3rd house = education). I moved school, changed courses, switched sciences for arts etc.
Moon/Jupiter on IC = extended family on my mum's side?

Then throw Saturn into the mix, it must have crossed my Asc into my first house and opposed it's natal position in the year or two previously, crossed my natal Mars and Mercury - aggravating that T-Square and then was on my progressed Mars and Asc but squaring my MC and natal Moon/Jupiter (and the transiting Pluto).

Jupiter, repaying the "favour" was transiting over my natal Pluto (which I've explained it death) in the 8th house (death house)- making the Pluto/Jupiter unpleasantness doubly so. Also then transiting my North node.

Then Saturn transited conjunct my natal sun, a textbook example for clinical depression and suicide - that was indeed the time I came the closest to it. Hah, and my penchant for black began.

Well well.

Arctic Dream?

2006-01-17T23:51:51Z

Oh yeah, and the day before I was in a rocket, but then the rocket fell away and I was still flying as I saw the "rocket" fall to the Earth. I knew if I could fly high enough to see the globe properly I could choose any country I wanted to visit but I couldn't make myself get high enough. I thought I could make out one of the poles covered with ice but could not get my bearings, just as it is difficult to read or dial phone numbers in a dream and I crashed down.

I landed in some sort of military institution, which was deserted. As I was running through it to find my bearings suddenly the place filled with people and I had to avoid them. I had a companion of some sort at this point. A guard of some type spotted me and yelled that she'd seen me so we had to kidnap her to shut her up and use her later as a bartering piece or whatever.

So er, that all went a bit wrong.

oniero @ 2006-01-17T23:06:00

2006-01-17T23:38:43Z

It wouldn't take a psychologist to interpret my dreams lately. I've had chemical warfare, fought with tramps and last night an uphill struggle

I was at university (not that it had any bearing on my real-life university) but my campus was so far from my halls of residence that I had become lost. Unfortunately the road was a 90 degree incline and I had to climb it as though I were climbing a cliff. I could see a car trying to drive up it and I was glad I didn't have to drive up it because it was so dangerous. I oculdn't help but wonder what idiot built road like that on purpose.
I was having trouble at a certain spot and was sort of stuck there trying to figure out what hand-holds were the best. While I was there another person passed by right overhead with total ease and I yelled out "How do you do that?" but didn't get an answer. The guy stopped and sat at the top though and talked to me while I was still slogging my way to the top. Eventually I figured out it helped to lean back on one of the bumps and use that for leverage to keep climbing, though I thought it would break off, and flopped onto the lip of the "road" victorious, huzzah. and a hurricane.

Was supposed to be giving something to the people opposite but there was a hurricane and I couldn't make it as I was being blown about too much. Was quite good fun though. I blew into a tree and wedged myself there till it was over.
The front of our house had wet clothes strewn across the garden. They were my mum's clothes (they were all stripey which somehow meant they were hers) because she'd left a window open during the hurricane and her room had been blown about. I let myself in to see if the same had happened in my room and found it in some disarray but I had a shelving wall and it looked great so I didn't really mind having to clean up.

I was sharing a room with a distant relative (that I made up) and somehow we agreed that in the clean up we would make more room for them.

Then my alarm went off (at 7.45am) and I was so confused that my room hadn't had a hurricane in it I thought it best to hit the snooze which instead of going off 8 minutes later went off at 8.30, bugger.

Then this morning, when I finally managed to get up, a squirrel was loitering with intent by our front gate and staring at me. Someone had passed our house from the park and I think it was originally following him. Well bizarre. I stared back at it and it ran around to the other side of my car but I didn't want to run it over so I went round the other side to see if it was far enough away so it eventually hopped back into the park. Was almost tempted to tell it rubbish day was Friday (thinking it was after going through the bags or something) but then realised our neighbours would see me talking to myself in the street and I'd already acted strangely enough.

I hope that the hurricane was not a premonition, surely it is because I've been thinking of going on holiday recently but deterred by all the earthquakes etc recently deciding I'm much safer staying in London.

Which brings me to my next dilemma - Hong Kong, Las Vegas or Wiltshire.

Almost over

2005-12-29T23:57:41Z

Was vegging in front of the telly on Xmas day at my nan's house when my family started making all this fuss in the hallway about a cat. Naturally I assumed they were just being silly over a stuffed toy and ignored them for 5 minutes. It turned out there was a beautiful black kitten out there. My dad started yelling it was unlucky because it was black, so my mum is yelling that it's LUCKY so my dad storms off in a huff because we're all "backwards" in this country....

And like an idiot I thought they'd bought me a kitten. Till they started trying to shoo it out the door. Turns out my mum had gone to put a milkbottle outside the front door, found this cat sitting on the doorstep and then it ran in. So we're trying to catch it to see if it has a tag with it's address on it to return it - only everyone was too scared to touch it - the jessies! It ran behind the sofa and I had to coax it out but it let me pick it up and didn't even stick it's claws in (let alone try to savage me), aww. Didn't have a tag on it's collar and it seemed lost so I tried knocking on some doors, most of the people looking at me like an alien had just vomited on me. What didn't help was that I was trying to follow the cat - it would go up to a door, I'd knock on it and then the cat would wander off leaving me there on my own looking well dodgy.

A neighbour joined in and we decided to try one last house before giving up and I would keep the kitten till someone claimed it.
Though the kitten wasn't his the guy in the last house grabbed it and declared he'd take it in for the night and put some posters up next day (he has other cats so had food etc for it and it seemed the best outcome). Apparently this guy used to have a black cat that had died so no doubt that's why he was so glad to see it but damnit that kitten wanted to live with me and now I am paranoid that it was Bonnie come back (this kitten's eyes were all runny like Bonnie's were) and I gave her away.
Anyway, the moral of the story is that there was some kid somewhere crying all night having lost the kitten it got for christmas and I got nothing.

I've just gotten hold of some Alkaline Trio, a bit pop-punk but they have such happy HAPPY lyrics (see http://www.lyricsfreak.com/a/alkaline-trio/6212.html) and with song titles such as "Take lots with alcohol" you just know it can't be too bad.

Also it doesn't look like Toga the penguin made it. I know this sounds tasteless but I have a horrible suspicion Toga ended up as someone's christmas dinner (because of that dream I had with the subterranean trogladyte cannibals and the penguin - the story of which I was too lazy to put here earlier and now don't feel entirely comfortable doing so but at least because I didn't I know I didn't give anyone any "ideas").

As another awful year is almost over I realise I'll be 1 mere year off 30 soon. Bought a big box of St John's Wort to get me through all the festive joy but it doesn't seem to be kicking in. Considering the amount of pills I am already rattling with I wonder if I could get the doctor to prescribe me something more. At least I suppose I could always try to score some Prozac off Ant now.